I'll preface this by saying while it seems like I'm "lumping" all men and all women into camps, I do not believe that's always the case. But it is enough of the time for me to vent this way. And it did happen to me this way, twice, so it's my perspective. Although, from the emails and calls I've gotten already, I do seem to personally know a lot of women who played it, if not completely honest, as straight as they could. A dear friend's lawyer called her son's beating the "unfortunate misunderstanding" and her beating "one unfortuntate ugly incident". So it does go both ways, just not as often as it should. 


                                                                     
   When I posted my intent to write a piece about what Alec Baldwin, Charlie Sheen, Me, and thousands of other men had in common, the most beautiful event planner in LA, my friend Barbara, guessed the topic, and emailed me to be cautious: "you never know what goes on in private". So I will be. But I can say with absolute honesty, clarity and certainty what I personally experienced. And my guess is for those two celebs, and many more celebs and civilians of the male persuasion, it's not a whole lot different.

   I've written before about the insanity, and risks, of living and loving so publicly, (scroll down to "Britney to Justin to Cameron..."). I'll give ya that the ridiculousness of it does occasionally border on the sublime. But just as, (if not more), often, the subhuman. To wit: imagine how frustrated you'd be, after being promised things would stay friendly and "clean",  to see details of the most nasty, misleading, exaggerated and/or false filings on every "entertainment" show on the air; then hearing the frustrated voicemails you left, after being falsely (or at least exaggeratedly) accused of these horrible acts, on the morning news...(and don't you think she let that stuff out to lessen the impact of those pics of her on the balcony with Richie? It worked didn't it?)...at least I didn't have to go through that. But believe me, not having them aired publicly doesn't lessen their impact.

   Whether it's the women involved, or their lawyers, (so ultimately, again, the women, as lawyers work for them not vice versa), the majority of the distaff half of these court equations, be said battles custody, divorce, or both, seem to think they have a pass to invent stories that fit the needs of their cases; and not just a pass, but usually the encouragement of these s.o.b.s with JDs. Now, heeding Barbara's advice will be easy. Because while I know that publicly Kim is accusing Alec, and Denise Charlie, of heinous acts to which I was not witness, I personally suffered a similar unjust fate and can tell you that first person.

   The courts will accept whatever is filed. That's their job. Then it's the mediator/evaluator/commissioner's job to sift through the animus and figure out what's real and what's not. In three years of my custody fight I sat through a lot of other cases while waiting for mine to be called, and I can tell you there wasn't one single case that had the husband/father making the initial accusations. And it never ceased to amaze me what gets said in these papers. Even guys like me, who were the ones who filed, (the plaintiffs), to a man, took the high road, at least in their first filings. Then, if your lawyer convinces you of the need to "compete" you, too, get nasty. I was lucky that my lawyer, (the amazing Rita Kahlenberg, Esq.), stood with me in truth and never once encouraged me to, or insisted I, make false or exaggerated claims for the benefit of my case. As she loved to point out, I didn't have to. My son's mother's claims were so unfounded, outrageous, and plain out fabricated, that the truth did eventually win, although at the cost of my involvement in the first four years of his life. I was awarded joint legal custody, and a really reasonable physical custody schedule. So I'm making up for lost time now, and I have the power to say no to his mom's crazy demands and whims, finally.

   I doubt that'll be the case with Alec or Charlie, though, because they're being played. And rather than let their (somewhat) good names be dragged through the mud, I can almost guarantee you they'll quietly settle for some shitty custody plan. Their careers are at stake, in an industry that will penalise them for being less than the men they claim to be. Even if their claims are just. And they likely are, moreso than Kim and Denise are portraying. But Kim and Denise are playing the victims and victims are far more sympathetic. Forget that Kim's accusations are being discredited by almost everyone close to her, even some of her own family. And credit Alec for staying relatively strong and silent and not levelling false claims, or even the true ones, against her publicly. (I know someone involved in his case and he, like me, insisted his lawyers stick to the high road). Forget that Denise, while making her terrible claims, is very publicly flaunting her own fooling around with her former best friend's very recent ex-husband. And credit Charlie for keeping his mouth shut about the entire case, but mostly that part of it. Because he certainly could accuse her of being a lowlife, and not just for being a liar/exaggerator but a homewrecker. It would seem an easy jump to say she'd been fooling around with him all along, or was the reason he and Heather broke up. Ya just never know, but it would surely be believed by some. And broadcast, because true, half-true, or false makes no difference to Access Hollywood. It's the story that counts.

   My son's mother pulled a lot of similar, horrible crap, made a lot of false claims, was inflexible in letting me spend time with my son, pitted some of my own family against me, and generally drove me into emotional, (and financial), bankruptcy. She had a boyfriend, they had a "Grand Plan" and were convinced I'd walk away, and they'd live happily-ever-after on the east coast. They couldn't have been more determined to make that happen at any cost. And all the while did what she pleased, travelled at will, made unilateral decisions in our son's interest, and made sure our son had little regard for me. But after three years of postponements and maneuvering, mostly by her scumbag attorneys, we finally had a trial because I wouldn't back down from what was right, just and truthful. And when she finally had the chance to rule, the commissioner ruled almost 100% in my favor. And all his mother could say was "I was just doing what I truly believed was best for our son". Which even the commissioner clearly knew was bullshit, and said as much in her filing. But the real benefit for me wasn't a lawyer who made me stick to my guns, which were loaded with truth, but the lack of having to defend myself against public airing of the sordidness of it all. And thus the undue influence of public opinion. So pity those involved in Alec v. Kim and Charlie v. Denise. But mostly pity the kids, because ultimately it's about them, and they'll suffer the most.

   I feel for these guys. And the millions like them who have to go through this whether they're famous, infamous, or just regular guys. I can because I've been one of them. Twice. The courts, especially in custody disputes, are horrifically biased towards mothers, and in this day and age, that's just plain wrong. Men make great parents and every man I know who wants to be involved with his children does as good a job, or better, than his wife or ex. Even in families that are together, men have stepped up and parent with the best of them. Change diapers, feed kids, clothe them, drive carpools, coach sports, hold hands, fix booboos, play with dolls with their daughters as well as they play baseball with their sons, and yet that bias, at the end, still exists.

   But men rarely get to play victims as well as women, if at all. And that's the worst injustice in the system, because when all is said and done, the supposed victims are more often than not the victimizers. Good luck Alec and Charlie. Stick to your guns. Sometimes, it works out.